You're the main cause of my pain but i still love you, i'd rather get hurt from you than getting hurt from others.
- Head Pain
- Throat Pain
- Gastric Pain
- Feel like Vommiting
- Eyes swollen
- Heart Extremely Pain.
- Tears still rolling ; Thick ones.
I couldn't take the pain anymore, therefore i just got pissed & throw trantrums through messages & on the phone because it seriously hurts when you don't get to see your love for even one day? Better still for 2 weeks i've not seen you & you think i wont feel sad about it. According to my situation, i don't meet you for very long, you make me happy me when its not going to happen & i hate it when it doesnt happens. I don't blame your work etc. I blame the words you say to me. One basic thing you dont understand me which is I DO pour my feelings but in a different way which you just dont realise love; im not the type to actually tell you things straight through the phone, i'll think very negative thought it wont be. I don't hear to sad songs, the day i start hearing sad song would be the way that you actually left me. Eversince we got back together, i have NOT heard any sad songs AT ALL. You wanted to know how i feel and stuff, did you even realise any song i tell you to hear is basically how i feel ? Did you even realise whenever i send you sweet, long, plenty of messages, my feelings are actually there? Did you even realise whenever i talk to you , i just DONT LIKE the word BYE? Did you even realise that i actually love you more than you actually think ? You keep saying , you want me to pour out my feelings . It hurts me more to actually know that you dont realise how im actually telling my feelings to you. I ask you hear songs , send messages for a very special reasons. I just don't know why, Only to You ; I don't seem to actually tell you i miss you, i love you, when you meeting me, how much i miss you and all on the phone. Only to You ; I'd get shy to actually tell all this. Only to You ; I can actually tell my feelings in a different way. Only to You ; I'll smile to any message you sent cause its from YOU. I don't hide things from you, i don't hide my feelings from you, i don't hide my love for you ; you just dont seem to see it or actually realise that all this is happening. Now you know why i'd get pissed at you so many times? Is because i love you too much that i can't even say this to you straight , i needed you to understand me somehow but you just don't. You say i got so much Pride once again , why baby? When i dont even have it you say i do. When i tell you positive things, you dont wanna listen to me happily. When i tell you negative things, that where i can only can your attention. Do you even realise, when i actually get pissed , i pour part of my feelings there as well ? Thats why i keep telling you, read the messages over and over again, you just tend to think it as the wrong way when i pick a fight with you. Yes i talk about the two bitches, sadly they're your ex but i didnt talk about them anymore right ? You brought it up today , why? Did you realise that is the EXACT way how'd you actually tease me with the other ex asshole i have ? When i do it to you, you dont like . That was the exact way i felt ! But i wasnt as angry as you were cause i know, they're useless , therefore you talk how much about them also i dont care cause all these while i've been loving you and only you.
Now that you've shouted at me, im hurt like never before, like extremely hurt, worse than the previous break up. You basically just burst out, you know I HATE it when you shout cause i'd get scared of you, then why did you? You told me "i've been pissing you off lately , im just keep quiet" "You havent been making me happy at all" So the messages i sent you, didnt make you happy at all ? I sent you plenty of sweet messages, that didnt make you happy at all ? I tell you how i felt in those messages didnt make you happy at all? The talks i had with you , didnt make you happy at all ? You did not even count/ think how much do i actually pissed you off . You say MOST OF THE TIME when MOST OF THE TIME i don't ? Extremely heart pain . You mentioned my name when you shout at me, DOUBLE HEART PAIN. You know when you mentioned my name, my heart just skipped afew beats , I just went blank and shock? I've never mentioned your name when we fight over the phone. I say your name on other place but i dont mean it. But you mentioned my name on the phone and all ! Why b why?! You didnt have much feelings for me anymore b? Why'd you say my name ? Yet you shout at me , you knew i got scared already yet you said "deaf uh, dont know how to talk now isit!" Continuously , i cried till got sound know today b ! I've never cried so deep for your shoutings b , this the 1st i actually really got scared of you that i couldnt even talk properly, i couldnt breath properly cause my heart was VERY PAIN & you hurt me more than anything/anyone else. You shout at me, like any moment you can actually lay hand on me if i met you. You even told me leave once again, now i ask you. Did you actually meant what you said ? That you wanted me to leave? You cannot take it anymore?
I have not changed b, you told me to change my behaviour , HOW TO BABY? When i dont behave this way anymore, how you want me to change? I dont always throw trantrums at you anymore b. To tell you the truth, i've stopped vulgarities , it just happened that IM VERY PISSED, i just said those words. I didnt mean to actually use vulgarities on you anymore, i dont wanna fight like how we did like last time but i just got very unhappy today, TOTALLY so not me! YOU KNOW i've changed to the very very very very good one, i dont keep the bad habit i used to do it on you b. YOU KNOW , i've always wanted,needed you, yet you telling me to change my behaviour and all im not actually THAT EXTREMELY MEAN DIMPLE anymore.
Im actually crying & typing throughout this whole thing from the start. You told me to stop crying just now, i havent stopped a single bit b, i just can't stop it, neither does it wanna stop at all. Sorry but im really really really very scared of you, esp today's fight. I don't know would i be still stonning here or actually smile when im not happy at all. Like i said, im crying like the worst, worst than the previous break up. Im hurt like neverbefore YET i still love you as much you do, more than you do. Im sorry for scolding you , but you knew why was i pissed already. Im sorry but im really scared to talk to you normally, im scared that this will happen, im scared of everything b, sorry :'(
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